2011/05/18

Kanji and future

This week we got the Kanji for advanced level (N1), finally a book instead of the damn print compilations, but on the other hand it weighs about three ton. In it, another 1000 kanji's to learn, 8 every day. Eight?! I look back at the happy times at intermediate level where we only had to learn 6 a day... But now eight! All work and no play makes Ylva forget all her kanji.

Speaking of, there's less than half a year left on my 2 year course now.
...and I'm still wondering what the heck I'm gonna do afterwards. I mean, with my life! For so long, I had this dream of moving to Tokyo and live there. And then I fulfilled my dream and lived happily ever after, but in the midst of my happiness I didn't find a new dream.
There's lots of things I'd like to do, millions of educations I want to take and jobs I want to have, but I have yet to find that one thing I feel passionate about and ready to fight for. I know I don't have to decide, I know I have my whole life left, but still, soon I should start making decisions or I'll be sure to find myself in a situation I don't like. Well, even if I do it wouldn't matter at all if I at the same time worked myself to achieve a goal, than if I'd just sit around wishing I did something else.

But still, even if I find something I love and could imagine myself doing, even if not for the rest of my life than at least for a very long time, something to put all my effort (and money...) in, when I think closer and more practical about it I get scared of The Future and doesn't dare to make a definite decision.

So that leaves me just stamping around the same spot, while time slowly passes by...

There. Felt good to write this, because I think (and worry) about this every single day.

OTL

5 件のコメント:

hanna さんのコメント...

Ah, I completely feel your pain. I went to sixth form to figure out what I wanted to do. Then I went to university and about a month in I realised it's not what I thought it was and not what I want to become. And now it's the end of my second year, all my studies suffer because I'm not motivated and I've only just realised what I perhaps want to do but I can't do it where I live now. And I can't leave because of my finacé who definitely wants to be here. But there's nothing for me here. I can't even find a job! It's so frustrating and not even knowing what you want to do is more frustrating. But you're in Tokyo! The world's your oyster! :D I don't think you should be afraid of just trying things out, maybe a year there, another somewhere else. You're young and you've got so many choices! Try something out and then just change it if it makes you happier! :)

SARA MARI さんのコメント...

Argh, that's too annoying to have to memorize that many kanji haha!

I feel the exact same way as you, or rather I'm more apathetic. After I finish university this year I have no goal or idea about working. There's nothing I want to do, and no place I particularly want to live...

Suteisi ♥ さんのコメント...

I know exactly what you mean, I feel this way too and worry about it a lot. I dreamed to travel to Tokyo so invested everything in that and once I came back from that trip I felt (and still feel) like I didn't have any other purpose in life. So I decided to set a new goal: Find a good, steady job. I got that! Now what? I'm not sure... I'm still asking myself this question. :S

みか☆ちゃん さんのコメント...

Life is interesting, isn't it!? Once our dreams have been reached, it's like we have to have another 'backup' dream to help us on the road towards fulfilling that one as well!

I'm lucky enough that I finally know the path I want to take and how I want to get there... I hope that you can find your passion!

Quarter Void さんのコメント...

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this..! It also seems like the more I think about it, the more confused I get haha..