Down down down

This week has been a downwards spiral for me.
I'm thinking a lot (too much?) about The Future, and when I think a lot about it I always start to feel frustrated, and this time I started to think that; some things are so messed up in this country, but on the other hand things are messed up back home as well, and when I think about it, it's just messed up everywhere = wherever I decide to go, things will always be messed up resulting in me being unhappy.

HAH this sounds so silly when I read it like this, but this is seriously what has been going around in my head lately. And I felt like writing that down so that maybe some other thoughts will take its place, because this is no good way of thinking! The only thing it does is it's making me feel down and I lose my spirit. Also my lower back is hurting and that isn't helping either.

I'm going to a few more open colleges at two schools I'm interested in the following weeks, we'll see if it leads to something. I actually attended one at Waseda university yesterday (well not open college, but a 説明会 and I'm not sure how to translate that orz) and I could conclude that although the thought of going to one of the most famous universities in Tokyo feels kinda nice, I didn't feel the slightest interested at all of any of the courses haha. Maybe I'm not cut out for academic studies. ...or maybe I'm just lazy. orz

So there's why I've been silent lately, I really hate falling into thoughts like these, but sometimes I just can't help myself... Woe me, etc. It's to the point where I find myself thinking "Oh I wish something nice would happen for a change!" when in reality, small nice happening does occur around me all the time, and I'm just too silly to see that.
Oh but that back problem is not one of 'em.

/Personal rant

2 件のコメント:

hanna さんのコメント...

If you're not fully interested in the courses or you're not quite sure what you could do for work with them as in you don't see a clear result in taking them, don't go. It's crap when you realise you're not learning anything you'd like to learn about AND learning about the boring stuff will get you nowhere. :D but if you are sort of interested and you will definitely gain something from the courses, try it out! especially if you have nothing better to do :D

lex さんのコメント...

I attend at the oldest and best university in Hungary because my parents want me to get a degree - unfortunately I don't feel a thing for studying there... or anywhere, to say :D I think a lot about what you have write: maybe I'm not cut out for studying in a university... I'm always waiting for the "fate" or the chance but in the deep of my heart I know I'm the only one who can chnage my life.